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Name: Christina
Gender: Female


Interests: I love to Sing; I love you Run Track: and i Love To Cheerlead
Expertise: I Sing; I run: i Cheer; Pretty much Life in a bowl =]
Occupation: Student
Industry: Hospitality


Message: message meEmail: email me
Website: visit my website
AIM: oxkissesxo13
MSN: angelwings61391@msn.com
Yahoo: xokissesox613


Member Since: 4/24/2004

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Sunday, November 30, 2008

i have to stop feeling like this. like i lost something, because i never even had it. i gave it up a long time ago, and now that i want it, its never coming back. i have to stop feeling so emotional about something that isnt even important. but i feel like my whole world is just tearing me down little by little and im about to the point of a breakdown. the only thing keeping me sane is just the thought of knowing i can make it through all this bullshit. that i dont need him anymore. i am strong. i told him so much, he was my rock and my best friend, i cared for him so much, and i talk like i love him. i hope not, because then i be a more of a fool then i already am. i have to get over this emotionally attached shit and let everything go. its so hard when you get so emotional with a person and they know everything about you then suddenly you can never get that relationship back you once had. i messed up so bad with him. its ridiculous. i write my feelings out, pouring and pouring them like its going to help me get through this situation even more, but it wont. i cry from the inside out everytime i have to think about what i have to do to make this all go away. im the reason why he is like this. i changed him. made him a bad person which he never was, and i now i want it all to go away. i wish i was never in his life. i wish i never did the things i did because now, it horrifies me to see what i created. to see what bad influences i put on him and how no matter how hard i try to make it better, it seems to get worse.
i need reassurance that i can be strong and let him go. i dont want to, but god damn it i need to. i have to. its for my good and also for his. i cant feel like this. im not losing anything that isnt there. i had my chance long ago and it didnt work and my dumb self thought it could happen again and i would be so happy, but it backfires on me. he has no idea how bad it effects me. he can brush it off, seem like nothing really happen, but he was kind of my everything. always the person i turned to when i had those serious problems. he knew everything about me and sometimes it scared me how he knows me better then i know myself. im not going to lie, its killing me writing about him, but i have to let it out in a positive way and stop crying over him because i truthfully have no reason to cry. i am such a idiot for believeing my own lies and how i thought that things could get better. they didnt, but now im going to try that much harder to make it better. it will get better over time, but time is strangling me right now to the point where i want to die. i want to die. and i never been so calm about saying that. i want no regrets, but its a hell of alot harder to do then to just say. please lord, give me the strenght to let go and find someone that i dont have to fight for. that can just be mine and let me not be just the other girl.
lord help me.


Monday, November 10, 2008

Senior Class
Of
Two Thousand & Nine
senior 5 senior8
i love my senior year. its going so FABULOUS its almost insane on how i'm having a great year. its such a difference from last year and now that i'm a senior i feel that everything is just coming together. I've been given early acceptance to CSU Stanislaus & also Fresno State, which is TOTALLY amazing, and such a great opportunity. College isnt a worry for me as much anymore since i know that i have SOME college to go to, but that i even qualified to get accepted EARLY to a college surprises me. Leadership is quite amazing, i love my job being an ASB treasurer, & i think that one of the MAIN reasons i got accepted early was because of my
role in a leadership community. Plans for the future consist of getting my BA in Political Science and then getting my masters degree in Social Services. Big dreams but REALISTIC dreams if i work hard at what i want in life. I want the most out of my life and i wont stop until i get EVERYTHING i want out of life. ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING.
:)


Tuesday, August 19, 2008

We are not the same persons this year as last, nor are those we love. It is happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person.

 

I'm glad we had the times together
just to laugh and sing a song
Seems like we just got started,
then before you knew it,
the times we had together
were gone.
-Dr. Seuss

itiswhatitis

Life doesn't give you the people you want.
It gives you the people you need to help you,
to hurt you, to love you, to leave you
and to make you into the person you were meant to be.
Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that
can pretty much change your life forever.
-Felicity

 

If children have the ability to ignore
all odds and percentages, then maybe we
can all learn from them. When you think about it,
what other choice is there but to hope?
We have two options, medically and emotionally:
give up or fight like hell.
-Lance Armstrong

 

I'm a firm believer in serendipity:
all the random pieces coming together
in one wonderful moment, when you
suddenly see what their purpose was all along.

 

-well, school is starting on thursday, kind of bittersweet about the whole situation. but, i guess ill see what happens this senior year. and i am SO HAPPY to be the class of 2009 because i FINALLY get to get away from this place FOR GOOD.

09


Saturday, August 16, 2008

 senior3
z144662961


Tuesday, August 05, 2008

DSCF0054
 leadership totally has my heart :)
DSCF0059
DSCF0061
core camp 2008-2009.
sigh.. last year as a delgate. but next year as a consulant perhaps? :)

 



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