no one reads this anymore. i never update. thats ok though. because too many people read my livejournal. i have to watch what i say.

Ahh...he makes me...ah. i hate this. i think i dont care anymore but then i talk to him...even if for only a second...and it all comes back. it's driving me out of my mind...this is like a crush on steroids. butterflies and all.

He has this charm...this way of talking to you that makes you feel like you're the only other person alive, much less the only girl he could possibly have any interest in. Which is amazing and beautiful and fantastic, until he says all of these things to another girl. And you feel betrayed, hurt, punched in the stomach. until the next time you talk to him, and the butterflies come back. It's a cycle.

All the while, he has no idea how you feel or even what he's doing to you. He doesn't do it on purpose. It isn't his fault that his personality has this effect on girls. So you can't hate him. He'd never hurt anyone intentionally. He's not one of those.

I should give up. And yet, i still hold out hope. Maybe next month? Maybe next year? We'll be at the same school then at least. I'm pathetic.

ahhhhhhhh i'm so sick of dwelling on things that I have no control over. I need to stop that it's only hurting me.

jump, little children is amazing. No particular significance, just what i happen to be listening to. yep.