Currently Love Is Hell By Ryan Adams Wonderwall see related

Those Holiday Times

Aww, I can't wait for Nate's break.

It's been a while, World. How are you?

Life's been up and down for me but at least Nate is constant. Mmm I love him. It sad how not much is really new. The holidays are around the corner and I'm broke as always. We might have a tree and get one or two things but otherwise we're probably out of luck. It's not really anything new. I wish it would snow. sure it's close to christmas, but without snow, or a tree, or lights? It feels like any other day.

Bah, Once Nate is on break, I'll be in his arms. Once I'm in his arms, I'm golden. The holiday will be amazing.

Head Cold

I have one.

It really blows old man balls. My head feels like it's full of lead. I want to say I feel like putting more in if you get my drift. But that would be emo and I'm not feeling emo. Ahaha.

I acctually like life right now. All full of Nate and stuff. He's really the only one who can make me totally happy. It's no wonder I'm in love with him. Sometimes I look back at when I thought I could never have him and revel in the fact that I do. Forever. All mine. Man did I try not to dig him. But I did, boy. I remember holding his hand in history and wanting to rape him. His goddamned gorgeousness was too much. Ahahah it still is. I have a hard time not touching him when we're near each other. But I think that's the nympho speaking. Also, considering the amount of visits we get, it's no wonder I just want to spend it getting my fill of Nate.

Ugh. This screen is really bad on my headache. It's so bright. I'm done.

And they're off....!

Today I watched A Home at the End of the World, which is a great movie.

If you haven't seen it, I totally reccomend it.

Friday is so soon I can taste it. I can taste him. Feel his hot breath at my ear when he hugs me. I can't wait, World. I really can't. I want kisses so bad...! I'm proud of myself though. Really proud for being able to do this. All of it! Waiting, commitment. I've never been in love before. It's opened up a lot of things for me. Well...not opened up per say. I've just been redirected in a lot of ways. Like, I want to get married. Soon. I want a home with Nate. I want....a family maybe? Ugh. It's still really weird to think about. A family?!

World, I have never. EVER. Wanted children. The only child I ever wanted to birth was to be raised by a pair of gay men, one of whom I love more than the universe.

But Iget these images, World. These gorgeous, unbelieveably happy, perfect images. Of us. And life inside of me. Life he gave me. Ugh. This is ridiculous. I'm not thinking about this anymore. In ten years, I'll set these ideas loose. Until then, this our secret, World.

Shhh.

Urk.

So...I think I just did something really bad. Ugh. But I swear I couldn't help it! Uggghhhnnnnn, now I'm worried. Really worried. Fuckfuckfuckmehard.

It's okay Meggan! It'll be fine. He'll understand right?

But I promised. I PROMISED. I keep those! Right? Because he trusts me! And aside from him only Meesho does. So I should've kept to it, right?

Stupidstupidstupid! I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry to you both. Him for breaking my promise, her for not having an explination that would suffice. This sucks.

I suck.

Aside from that, hey World.

My anniversary was good. Pretty damned good. Only a week left until I see my love. I'm excited even if I'm worried today. He's hard at work today after school so I will have to endure until he gets home.

I can do this!

Right?

Currently Listening Dies Irae see related

Anxiety

Tomorrow is our anniversary, mine and Nate's. Not of the day we began dating, no. Just the day we began making love. What? Corny? Well, the first time we did make love. It was sensual, a total giving of each other to one another. It was trust, and excitement, and passion. Not to say we don't fuck. Because we do.

Ohhh we do. Often.

Nymphomania, you know? It's a damned horrible thing when we're away from each other so long. But the collision of seeing each other again, the rough, sloppy, hurried sex is so good. So relieving. Thudding hearts, lightning minds, sometimes we don't even remember going. It's raw and that's why waiting is so worth it.

Nate is amazing in bed. More than amazing. He makes my legs give out, makes me drool with pleasure, makes me scream his name. I'm a proud woman. I have an ego. This isn't something I would normally admit to. But when he's pounding me silly, I'm the most shameless, moaning, pathetic human ever.

Aside from it being our anniversary, it's also his first day at work. I hope he doesn't get pissed off or anything, haha. I see it happening.

I'm wired, cold, frisky. I want to draw but I can't seem to get anything out right. Buu. I think this is enough ranting for now.