Weblog
Monday, January 05, 2009
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Odd and painful situation. New determination. Hard decisions.
Story time:
I was at an internal medicine clinic in Korea to get my blood tested for any odd ailments (cancer, high cholesterol, ect), and there was this one song that kept playing over and over again. I mean honestly, seriously, I was sitting there for a literal one hour waiting to be called, and they KEPT playing "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows" by Judy Garland (this btw took forever to remember - and I did at 6:30am as I was tossing and turning from jet lag). I didn't even know what this song was called nor cared much about it until about the first hour when I noticed they kept this literal three-minute song on repeat. I'mmm alllwayys chaassing rainnn boooowws. She didn't even say "rainbows" - it was like rain (wait a second) BOWSS. Wow, this old lady doing some vocal oldies thing, I almost wanted to die. It was faintly playing in the background noise throughout the clinic, but seriously, that was so painful. I didn't think much of it except until I left and thought I should tell someone. I forgot.
A week later I came back to see my results. Oh Em Gee. It was still playing. The same freakin song. I almost wanted to tell someone to change the song because it's like one of those torture scenes in movies where someone has a drop of water drip on his face every five seconds - as a form of cruel torture. That's literally what I thought while sitting down to wait. I kept cringing my face and thinking of any other more cruel form of punishment possible.
So as I was leaving, I kept thinking to myself that I feel super sorry for anyone who has to work there. The mood may seem very mellow and luxurious, maybe even pays well since it's sponsored by Samsung, but this seriously could make someone go insane. Especially if oldie vocal music totally isn't your thing.
Wow that was a pointless story to share.
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I'm glad to be back in San Diego. It's freezing at night so that sucks major, but it's exciting to be apart of what God's doing. It's also exciting to give after lugging around so much crap from Korea (two 45 pound bags when I initially went back with one 25 pound bag). Yup, I multiply.
I came back here with a much more clearer mind, and much more determined spirit to continue pursuing the little things He gives me. And the little things He challenges me with - like getting up much earlier and starting my day with Him. That would be the best change in my current (lack thereof) disciplines. And like Ryan Pfieffer did: sitting there with Him and just waiting on the voice of the Lord and doing whatever He says. If He doesn't say anything, that's fine, but if He does: actually do it!
Wow
much like what we're studying tomorrow at Bible study. Oops! Frosh, don't read this.-----------------------------------
RA? No RA? If so, live with who?
That's the question. I sometimes wish my closer buddies didn't have other friends so life could be so much easier.
HAHAHAHAA I'M MESSED. I'M JUST KIDDING.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
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New Years Eve 2008 Closure
I have a few days left in Korea before leaving for probably another two years. There's a sense of relief but also a sense that this may be the last time I see Lilly (one of my two dogs--she's 9 right now), my home (nah, we wouldn't move), and who knows, people here in my life that may slip away in a momentary blink. I realized that being here in Korea for these past two weeks have been oddly restful, but also very expensive (ate out most of my meals, bought a butt load of presents, and spent more on things than ever). I've never really enjoyed coming home since I left after my freshman year winter break, but this time, things were much more enjoyable (which caught me off guard). And I still laugh inside when I think about how peculiarly restful this time was. I enjoyed hanging out with my mom and dad, and those little moments with my brother. I enjoyed knowing that I'm not being dragged to go skiing (thank Jesus), nor obligated to partake in ridiculous chores. I felt free, very free.
As I was coming home from the airport two weeks ago I told the Lord that He could do whatever He wants to do with me while I was here. The only fine print was that I wasn't going to initiate anything. I honestly did not have any motivation, energy, or drive to try and do anything (fix anything?) with my own will. I wanted Him to do all the initiating - all the little things He wanted to do with me during my "break". And I honestly have to say that He did live up to this act of submission. He allowed me to really break through my own confusion with what my family means to me, and began to form a healthy perspective of them despite the issues we still may have. I began my real search of how to better understand my own cultural perspective of "God, Jesus, Holy Spirit - Christianity", and not just simply rule out that the Korean (presbyterian) approach is a dead end faith (which is what I've been doing since long ago). I realized that I will never agree with Korean fashion no matter how "hip" it may be (please don't get me started).
I also came into break with a little funk with the Lord but, as I write this now, I feel like short-lived season is coming to a close. I got to spend some good time with Jesus by meditating on some key worship music, praying like I used to, and reading more of the Source of Life (wow sounds so cookie-cutter) and allowing Him to piece together all the areas of my scattered heart/mind that resulted from whoknowswhat these past few months. Now I feel ready to engage what Jesus has for me this upcoming quarter. I still have odd dreams which leave me a little bit shaken up, but maybe another time. The fire is burning; the fire is burning and it's time to fan it with all that may come my way.
I got my (arm-and-a-leg costing) medical blood/urine examination back today, and they didn't find anything wrong with me. Everything's normal (minus my cholesterol level no thanks to the indulgence of heavy Korean deliciousness these past two weeks) which really shattered my fear that something may have been wrong with me since nothing was really wrong with me for a year and one-half. I guess my unexpected weight-loss can be attributed to an influx of new people (freshmen!) in my life, and the stresses (haha) that come from that. Way to end the year!
Yeah, 2008 was full of random situations and new seasons, but at all moments, God kept showing up. I have a couple (as in, two) key people whom I really confide in, saw the Spirit swipe through a room, spark and cease attractions, challenge someone to commit to the Lord, help someone see that God's really alive, and live to see a harvest of freshmen who will one day be men and women passionately in love with Jesus. Who knows, maybe there are more random detours headed for me this next year, but I'm not entirely a dreamer of things that I don't actually grasp, so when they come, may they come. But from what I see now, the end is here and the brink of a new dawn is heading straight towards me -
And I don't want to miss a moment of it. I refuse to miss a moment of it.
Monday, December 29, 2008
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Little bits of me.
a week ago i went through my yearbooks, and DANG, i'm SO glad there's redemption from the stupid stuff i did. i look back at them now and i'm like, "what was i thinking?" Ok, honestly, they arent really that bad, but some of the decisions i made were not the brightest. Like, whattheheck was i thinking when i made my own senior page? and how i totally bs'd my way through engineering club as president. and the lame little comments i made here and there for my quotes. and not to mention how i used certain people for my own (lame) gain...wow i really am sorry now.
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No matter how pretty, laughable, likable she is, if she doesnt love Jesus, I'm going to pass.
. Thanks for making that very apparent.--------------------------------
I miss worshiping at Coast. I reallllllly do. Linda and I were talking about it and more and more I'm realizing how much Coast has been such a wholesome lively church to me. It's a safe place where I'm always caught off guard.
thanks Jesus.--------------------------------
You'll bring them back. I know You will.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
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This is what I want for Christmas.
I know I'm greedy. I'm actually really greedy. But I'm also blessed. Very blessed. I had the first real good family bonding time in a long time on Christmas day. It was fun hanging out with them (for those who know me - this is weird for me to say). I also think my dad gave me his digital SLR for Christmas - which isn't shabby at all. My brother also wanted to switch ipods with me because I ran out of space and he only needs half the space I currently have. He also bought me a stuffed domokun that's currently lying on my bed in san diego. My mom, I don't know, shes been spending a fortune on me so obviously I'm not going to ask for much. Haha, she actually wrapped stuff she got from her pharmacist convention conference (like the free pens, and this SUPER random IV-pictured playing card thing - wow so ridic). She really gave these very RANDOM things as gifts, which actually is quite hilarious if you were there. Kinda like, mom, whattheheck? I digress.
In the end I had a very oddly wholesome Christmas. I spent most of it with family and only family. I really enjoyed hanging out with them and we ate some super tasty sam gae tang. Dad gave the "so about your future..." talk again but it rested as I pulled some random "i'll take the GREs" card. Hah, not on Christmas, dad. But in the end, after I look back on the whole day, I really had one of the best Christmases. I don't know why but it was just a very cheerful day and authentic enjoyment of family. Yes, even with my dogs, who always want to be at the center of attention.
When as a family we bought a random 18 dollar cake at the department store, stuck 10 candles on it, and sung Jesus the happy birthday song (no, not the sixth college way - you know what I'm talking about, SAGE), and my bro and I blew out the candles, I asked for two things that came to mind: a clearer direction with school and to get deeper with my relationship with Him. However, I was in the shower later and spent some time in prayer and reflecting on those "Christmas gifts". And I took them back. I re-asked for something else that my heart really actually wanted to ask: For my freshmen to get to know who they are in Jesus.
God, I ask that every one of my freshmen will get to know You as a living God who still radically meets people today. That in essence, You are relentless in Your pursuit to have us get to know You. I ask that You'll show up in their lives in ways they NEVER expected. That You'll begin working in their families, relationships, personal struggles, school work, future goals, perspectives of You. That You'll come meet them in their dreams, coincidences, prayer, Your Word, funky random detours in life. My team is not here to just have a great time and get to leave some kind of legacy, but we're here to love on Your children and help them to see a Jesus that they may not entirely see yet (or maybe even us for the matter). Open their eyes Lord, take off the blinders. All I ask Jesus is that this year they will madly fall in love with You, and that they will see just how much of an amazing God You are. Simply: breathtaking. Come meet them in the last six months we have together, and I pray for You to just lavishly pour out Your Holy Spirit over each and every one of them. Reveal Your gifts, open up the heavens, break off strongholds, and release them to be Kingdom do-ers with Kingdom perspectives. Allow them to take risks, give them opportunities to operate in faith, open doors for them, and also, close doors. Bring out the gold You've invested in their lives from the very beginning when You've intricately designed them to be the people they are today.
That's all I ask Jesus. Let us celebrate this whole new year with children on FIRE for You. I mean, seriously, on FIRE. Breathe into the dry bones, be the giver of life...
....and life to the fullest.
Happy Birthday Jesus. This day was for You.
Monday, December 22, 2008
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A Nice Fatty Jukebox Update
You Saw Me (Hillsong)
Chosen As Mine (Hillsong)
Saving Grace (Hillsong United)
All... (Hillsong United)
Jesus' Blood (Hillsong United)
Jesus Lover Of My Soul (Hillsong United)
Beautiful Saviour (Planetshakers)
Beautiful Saviour Acoustic (Planetshakers)
I Just Want You (Planetshakers)
Rain Down (Planetshakers)
Reflector (Planetshakers)
Knees To The Earth (Watermark)
Invade (Watermark)
Surrender (Vineyard UK)
Your Beloved (By The Tree)
Unashamed Love (Jason Morant)
At The Foot Of The Cross (Kathryn Scott)
Thank You (The Katinas)--------------------------
Yeah what a fatty update it is. A lot of hillsong and planetshakers
. If there are some songs I highly recommend listening to, they are: Beautiful Saviour, I just want You, Rain down, Knees to the Earth, Surrender (Vineyard).Dah, SO good. Thanks Jesus.
True
